Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
