I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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