I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
