can we get nightvision for the apartment?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
