Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
