I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know her cup size but not her name....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
