like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
