Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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