Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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