I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
