i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize