I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
