I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
