someone threw a dead crab at me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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