I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
