Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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