WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
