life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
