he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
