I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
