I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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