Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize