Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
