btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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