its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize