youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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