You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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