I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
