On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
