We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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