can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
