Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
