i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
