i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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