One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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