I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
