When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
