In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
