If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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