yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
