I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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