remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
