your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
