I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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