First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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