Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
