My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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