also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize