I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have fence marks all over my body
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
