ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
