haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
there is puke in my bra ... again
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