About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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