I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
