At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
