im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize