"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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