You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
