She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
