my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
