It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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