Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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