also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
