Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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