I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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