If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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