I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
