I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
