curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
