My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
