Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
