You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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