If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
