dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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