drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
