Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
