Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize