If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize