Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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