Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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