i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
